Ramona's Brutally Honest Dating Profile

I'm pretty sure some people misrepresent themselves on dating sites, so this is my attempt to give you "truth in advertising."  Here's the real deal.  The age you see is my real age.  People who see me in person think that I'm younger.  I like to tell people that I'm older than I actually am so that I can see their jaws drop.  71?!?!?  NO WAY!!!!

I REALLY like shopping, but I don't spend more money than I make.  I enjoy spending time hunting for the ultimate deal.  It makes me feel like a winner.  I'm a fairly frugal woman.  Balancing a check book is sexy.  A man who is financially saavy makes me swoon.

You will probably never see my real hair.   Heck, I only see my real hair once a month when my stylist, Jan, updates my weave.  For that reason, it turns me off when you want to run your fingers through my hair.  I  believe a woman should stick to two or less fake attributes.  I don't do fake nails, but I have help in the hair department and my body is the result of gastric bypass surgery.  If you want to know what I looked like as a big girl, there are plenty of pre-weight loss surgery picture on the internet, compliments of Facebook and my bariatric surgery blog.

I'm a fan of sexy, uncomfortable shoes.  My feet are fans of sensible, comfortable shoes.  For that reason a good foot rub warms my heart, but  beware my baby toe always looks injured.  Strappy sandals are not my friend so if you have a weird foot fetish I'm not your girl. My best attribute is my nose.  A man I find appealing's best physical attribute is his broad shoulders.  He's intelligent, spiritual and appreciates a good comedy.

If you are looking for a woman to WOW you in the kitchen, I'm not her. When I make a dish that doesn't send people running for the nearest toilet I consider it a success.  My specialty is toast...unless the little dial gets moved by accident...then my specialty is burned toast.  The better YOU cook, the better we eat.

What do I do well?  I can tap dance better than 70% of the nation.  I can talk better than 50% of the nation.  I can sing on key in the shower and when I clean a kitchen people are in awe (I could be over-selling this one because I like washing dishes).  I like reading and writing.  I'd like to write a book, but right now I'm too busy and all the good topics have been taken.

Your challenges?  My mom lives with me and she likes using her mobile to call the house phone on my night stand.  Caregiving is a huge part of my life.  If you're a needy guy who needs to be his lady's sole focus, I'm not your girl.  If you don't mind a self-proclaimed cougar greeting you when you come to visit, then you'll do just fine.  My mom likes who I like.  If you hurt me watch your back.  There might be an old lady in a neck brace trying to run you down in a Chrysler 300.

Technology confuses me.  People energize me.  Charity motivates me.  God sustains me.  My dog calms me.  A man to share my life with would complete me.